What I do know is…Any relationship that is based on fear is not a relationship with a person it’s a relationship with the consequences of “not” being in the relationship. In our society there are many people who, because of fear of what others think about their single status, force themselves to look for and into relationships so that the anxiety of not being in one should subside. Sometimes I wonder if these actions and forces are present when it comes to God.

Living in a relationship like that will always reveal a lack of intimacy (if that was the goal) because the expectation for the relationship was only superficial. How can anyone grow a relationship like this? I know of some who may have started off like this but learned to not let “others” dictate their thoughts and feelings towards their lives later.

Here’s the kicker. If you pull away the consequences (ridicule/shame from society at large) or don’t follow through on them you will quickly see a person who really is in a relationship with their own feelings not another person. It’s a self preservation play.

People who are living up to society’s standards because of fear tend to be very prideful of their relationship status and joins the at-large group in throwing judging glances to the outlier single group. The hope is to make them uncomfortable enough to find a relationship and join the “in-thing”.


Question. Who wants to have a relationship where the other person is constantly motivated to remain because of fear of being shamed? If you enjoy this type of relationship, you probably view life as a study of efficiencies not a journey of discovery. We have successfully blended a view of business (efficiencies) into how we view our relationships with each other.

I know there comes a point in a relationship where self-discipline is needed to continue on. But there is a difference between viewing that as the only way to “keep a relationship” and as a means to “enhance the intimacy“.


How do you build a relationship that’s based on love? Idk…but one thing is certain, it’s not a science but an art. Serve needs. Be curious about others. Commit to the continuous journey of discovery…all because you desire to or because something about the other person is drawing you…. not because you’re driven by the shame of being alone and an outlier.

What are your thoughts? How do you believe when it comes to your relationship with God? What do you understand about how God views you?


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